It takes a lot to start over again and again and again... but I think I have finally realized that that is what life is about. My freshman year of high school my Dad told me that it was my first lesson in life. You start at the bottom .. work your way up to the top (graduating high school 4 years later)... only to find yourself at the bottom of a whole new world (college or the workforce). It was a good lesson to learn. In my life I have never been scared to start at the bottom again and again. In fact, I saw it as a challenge. It helped me thru many of the challenges in life. But this...
To give you a little history: Five years ago I started a journey to lose weight. At 225 lbs I hated every inch of me. I had been thru two pregnancies, two major surgeries and battled the bulge my whole life (except for a brief time in high school where I actually thought I had the perfect body).
It took me 2 years to lose 50 lbs.... bringing me to my lowest of 173 lbs. I ran a couple of 5K's, a 10K and even a half marathon, hanging all my numbers and trophies on the wall. I was fitting in clothes and looking great. Then...
Well, life happens. I don't want to blame anything for my lack of self control. It may have been my fault... and maybe I need to blame myself in order to come to terms with the fact that I gained 20 lbs back... but I just want to state the obvious and move on. I gained 20 lbs. I am 191 lbs... again. Now, to move on.
Do I want to be skinny? No... yes... wait. I want to be healthy.. and not the chubby cheeks healthy. I want to be the Angelina Jolie as the tomb raider healthy. The kind of healthy that would allow me to feel good in my clothes while I run a couple of miles on a dirt path. Or where I feel good enough to wear shorts on the bike ride with my husband.
I know that a lot of people think that losing weight is just a matter of eating right and working out. Well, its the truth... unless you have an eating problem. I am addicted to food. It is something that has followed me my whole life. Eating as much as I can... when I can... even if it means hiding in the bathroom or waiting for everyone to leave so I can raid the fridge. How I lost 50 lbs the first time around has actually baffled me. I worked hard at the gym and on the track. I starved myself.... I did the liquid diet for months.
The best thing for me was being able to blog about my journey every day. My life has been unstable for the last 2 years... but it has settled now and I am ready to do this... again. I know that my journey will not be easy. I will not magically lose all the weight in 3 months.... I WILL cheat.... I WILL cry... I WILL want to give up.... but I WONT. There are more reasons to succeed this time then to give up.
Tomorrow I will be a freshman again. I will start at the bottom..... again.