Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What is that horrible taste????

Oh ya... cookies.

I am having a terrible start to this challenge. Emotionally I am a mess.. which is carrying over to my food choices. My food choices are making my body feel 'blech'...so I am not working out or running. What a terrible circle of hell I'm in.

This morning, as I lay in my bed (squished by my 6 yr old so I couldn't get out of bed), I was thinking my normal thoughts of :


  • "Well, I've messed this week up... might as well give up until next week."
  • "I wonder how many cookies are left in the bag?"
  • "What is that awful taste in my mouth??... oh right, the cookies"
Then, something hit me. Today is Wednesday. I'm only 2 days into this week... I still have 5 days to do something good. 

So... I finally got up and poured myself a glass of water.  I opened my laptop and sat on the couch reading other blogs. Now, I feel ready to tackle this week... or at least this morning.  Lets do this one step at a time.



Monday, March 26, 2012

Week 1 of the Ready for Summer Challenge...

Mini Goal :

To lose 1 lb this week

To drink my water everyday

To workout 4 days this week

STARTING WIEGHT:

192.6

STARTING FAT %:

31.6

STARTING MEASUREMENTS:

waist: 39
chest: 41
hips: 44






Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Get Out of YOUR HEAD!

I can over think EVERYTHING.

I can take something simple and turn it into Mt. Everest. Everything from a look, a word or a smile to an action, a plan or a trip. I can make it what its not. This is one of the reasons I have an ulcer. I make everything stressful.

I didn't used to. I don't think.

Lets see if I can not over think this post....

Yesterday morning I ran 2.48 miles around my house. It had just snowed... not a lot... but enough to make the air cold and wet. My breath came out in little puffs. It was early and I had just woken up. My husband was home and getting ready to do his own workout. So I stripped my warm pi's off and pulled on the workout clothes. Added my hat, ear muffs, gloves and music. I took my first shocking breath, shut the door behind me and started with a slow jog.  My knees were freezing cold.. but I kept going. My average speed ended up being 10:48/mile. When I walked in my house.... I felt good.

This morning I stripped off my pi's again and put on the workout clothes before the kids were up. This time I pushed 'PLAY' and did a chest and back workout P90X style. Push ups and pull ups galore.  At the end of the workout.. Tony says.. "Get out of your head" ...

Man, did that knock me straight. I am WAY over thinking this weight loss stuff. I stress over what I'm going to eat hours before its time. I plan my workouts by the week.

So, this week I am going to get out of my head! I am going to do a workout every day. I am going to eat clean and drink my water. But I am not going to FOCUS on it EVERY SECOND of my day. This is not going to own me anymore. I will enjoy my day and what God has in store for me.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Waddle On!

"No Need For Speed"

I AM A RUNNER because my runs have names. I do tempo runs and threshold runs and fartlek runs. I do long, slow runs and track workouts. My runs are defined, even if my abs are not.

I AM A RUNNER because my shoes are training equipment, not a fashion statement. The best shoe for me it the one that makes me a better runner. I choose the shoe that goes with my running mechanics, not my running outfit.

I AM A RUNNER because I don't have running outfits. I have technical shirts and shorts and socks. I have apparel that enhances the experience of running by allowing me to run comfortably. I can say "Coolmax" and "Gore-Tex" in the same sentence and know which does what.

I AM A RUNNER because I know what effort feels like, and I embrace it. I know when I'm pushing the limits of my comfort and why I'm doing it. I know that heavy breathing and an accelerated heart rate -things I once avoided- are necessary if I want to be a better runner

I AM A RUNNER because I value and respect my body. It will whisper to me when I've done too much. And if I choose to listen to that whisper, my body won't have to scream in pain later on.

I AM A RUNNER because I am willing to lay in all on the line. I know that every finish line has the potential to lift my spirits to new highs or devastate me, yet I line up anyway.

I AM A RUNNER because I know that despite my best effort, I will always want more from myself. I will always want to know my limits so that I can exceed them.

I AM A RUNNER because I run. Not because I run fast. Not because I run far.

I AM A RUNNER because I say I am. And no one can tell me I'm not. 

Waddle on friends!

- BY JOHN BINGHAM "I AM NOT A JOGGER: I MAY WADDLE WHEN I RUN, BUT I'M RUNNING ALL THE SAME."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Looking back...


Yesterday I took some time to go back to my old blogs and read them. My first blog (Where Is Tigerlilly?) was started in 2006. My goal was to get under 200 lbs... and I looked something like this.. 



I struggled at home with two kids under the age of two. I had just had two serious surgeries and was finally given the all clear to get moving. This blog lasted until 2008 where I ended up looking like this...


where I was weighing in at 193. Exactly where I am at today.

Then I started my second blog... The Next Chapter... which is when I stuck it into high gear and got down to 173 lbs.


So... reading my blogs helped me understand a couple of things. I had a lot of bad days. I started over at least 501 times. I tried everything... but succeeded losing the most weight with running. I love to juice and need to get back to doing that. But most of all... that I have lost this weight before... I know its possible.... I know that I can do it...

Today I am going to rethink my ways. Time to get a game plan...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Trying to find my focus..

I've been stuck, the last month, in a bad place. Not wanting to stay where I am , but not quite caring enough to change what I've been doing. At least not 100%. I will do SO good in the morning... going to my spin class... keeping my food clean and drinking tons of water. Then....

"Squirrel!!"

I lose my focus. Life takes over and I just go with the flow. I eat what is available.. or the easiest (or fastest) to prepare.  I settle with the idea that I will do better 'tomorrow'. But never do.  This has led me nowhere.

My clothes are still tight. My weight is still WAY up there.

I have a group of wonderful girls that support me.... and a dietician who is willing to be there everyday if needed.... and kids who remind me everyday that they need me ... and a husband who tells me that he loves me no matter what I weigh but will also give me what ever I need to get healthy again.

So why can't I get this right? Why am I so wishy-washy??

Part of it is, I'm tired. Tired of counting calories... tired of points... tired of working out... tired of worrying about it all. I've been fighting this for 5 years now.

5 years of beating my weight down into submission. 5 years of worrying about my food. Counting calories and points.

Nobody, including my dietician, is telling me anything I don't already know. I've read hundreds of books... I've been on weight watchers... I've starved myself... and it has all worked to help me lose 70 lbs... (30 of which I have now gained back) I have done Tae Bo, Karate, Boxing, Spinning, Running and Yoga. I've tried P90X, Insanity and Rushfit.  I have even gone to the doctor to get blood work done PRAYING that I had some kind of disease that was causing my weight problem and that it would all be fixed with one pill.

Every morning I cringe when I put on my jeans that used to be so big they fell right off without a belt... only to barely squeeze them on to button them. Pulling over shirts that I loved to wear in comfort but now constantly tug and pull at all day to keep them from bunching around my stomach.

All of this pent up hatred for what I have become and you would think that I would have all the energy and willpower to lose the weight again. But I don't.

Depression crosses my path every now and then. I've taken meds for it in the past, right after my Dad died... but got off of them when I got pregnant the first time. Since then I have managed to keep it away with happy thoughts and exercise. My doctor supports me in my will to never get on meds for it again... but it means keeping myself in check. I have no doubt that I'm battling a low moment right now.

So, to help me get motivated I have joined a challenge. 10 weeks to get in shape. (if you scroll down to my last post you can click on the pic and read all about it!) I'm hoping that it will help me refocus. Here is what some of the challenge is about:

If you choose to participate, we will have four basic goal categories:

  • weight loss goal
  • non-scale goal
  • exercise goal
  • nutrition goal

So... focus, focus, focus

My weight loss goal for 10 weeks is to lose 25 lbs. 

My non-scale goal is to look good enough to wear a two piece bathing suit this summer. 

My exercise goal is to go to the gym 3 days a week. 

My nutrition goal... well, here is the hard one. I'm addicted to food. Being on a diet is like hanging a cocaine bag in front of a drug addict three times a day. Only I HAVE to eat something. Trust me, I've tried the 'no food' thing and it worked... but not in a good way. So... my goal will be, to learn to live with my addiction... .and not give in to it. I will continue to work with my dietician until we find something I can control, live with and succeed with. 

So. Focus. Focus. Focus. 

Warning: I will post 'Before' pics on Monday, March 26th... 

Ready for Summer Challenge


I've been stuck in a rut. Looking forward to this challenge to help me get back on track. Wanna join? There is still time. It starts on Monday, March 26th... so click on the pic above and find out how to sign up!